Cruel Stepfather Refuses To Celebrate His 17-Year-Old Nonverbal Stepson's First Words

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 4, 2023 9:00 AM EDT

It's normal not to feel the same emotions as your partner while reacting to the same situation. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically make you the same person. However, it's important to recognize and notice when something is important to your partner and react appropriately. If your wife says Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is her favorite movie, it's probably best not to call her an uncultured fool for even considering that trash to be one of the best movies of all time. If your husband is upset that the Eagles lost the Super Bowl, it's not advisable to bully him for caring about something as inconsequential as a football game. Those examples are kind of easy, so let's move on to something harder. If your wife wants to celebrate her 17-year-old nonverbal son's first words, it's smart to celebrate with her instead of questioning why she'd want to celebrate that in the first place. You'd think that one would be obvious, but not everybody is blessed with a modicum of empathy. 

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  • 01
    Font - Lo vie F 1 r/AmltheAsshole u/nonpbb 22h AITA for refusing to go out and celebrate my stepson's 'first words'?
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  • 02
    Font - My (36 M) wife, Fran (35 F), and I have been married for four years. We have a beautiful home and a healthy daughter (3F) and we're doing amazing. Also, my wife has a son, Nick (17 M). His father is out of the picture, never really was, so Nick has been part of our family since the beginning, without distinction to our daughter.
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  • 03
    Font - Nick is on the spectrum; he's non-verbal, (or non- speaking, as my wife says), but he has always been great at communicating effectively with Fran, and he's doing better every day. To my understanding (i.e., what my wife tells me) Nick is able to communicate via his phone and his AAC communication device, but he is still considered non-verbal because he has considerable difficulties with verbalization.
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  • 04
    Font - Well, it turns out that, a week ago, Nick said his first fully formed "words." He mumbled something along the lines of 'l-love-you'. That's great, and I'm incredibly happy about it. The issue is that my wife, who was overflowing with joy, wanted to celebrate that very same week and go out and have a fancy dinner with us, her sister, and her mother. It was a Friday night, and honestly, I didn't feel like going out and I wasn't in the mood to celebrate, but I said "Okay, sure, let's go" to
    via u/nonpbb
  • 05
    Font - However, Fran thought I was in a bad mood, and she kept teasing me about being grumpy, so I teased her with "Well, we didn't celebrate our daughter's first words, did we?" and that started a big argument. After that, I decided not to go out to 'celebrate' Nick's mumbled words, and I stayed home. My wife was visibly upset, and the fight escalated on both sides. I pointed out who paid half of Nick's expenses, and she pointed out that she raised him by herself for more than a decade. We both
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  • 06
    Handwriting - That's it. I think she was drowning in a glass of water, and the situation was stupid and escalated out of nowhere. It's not THAT crazy to not want to go out and 'celebrate', isn't it? Needless to say, her entire family thinks I'm the AH. TA acc. I don't want to make this a big deal.
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  • 07
    Organism - tenpercentofnothing. 21h Asshole Enthusiast [7] 9 Awards Your wife waited seventeen years to hear her child say he loves her. She probably thought it would never happen and it IS worth celebrating. Seeing how joyful it made your wife should have been enough for you to want to celebrate it, too. YTA. Reply 32.6k
    via u/tenpercentofnothing
  • 08
    Font - erbear048. 20h Can you imagine throwing a fit because you couldn't be bothered to go to dinner? Even if OP didn't agree... shut up and eat, or don't it's not about you! What a selfish person. YTA 9.2k
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  • 09
    Font - Dry Equivalent9. 20h I think OP calling Nick's words "mumbled" tells you all you need to know. I'm a stranger and it made me tear up how his first ever words are "I love you" to his mom. What a sweet moment. How can you not be moved by it, and not want to celebrate it as someone who supposedly loves Nick? 47.1k
    via u/DryEquivalent9
  • 10
    Font - limedifficult 19h My four year old has some additional needs and when he said I love you for the first time a few months ago, I cried like a baby for about an hour, then proceeded to text everyone I know the wonderful news. I still well up now thinking about how I never thought I'd hear those words. This poor woman waited SEVENTEEN YEARS. I would have been heartbroken if my husband hadn't cared. 43.8K
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  • 11
    Font - thistleandpeony • 19h Partassipant [1] This man doesn't just not care about his stepson speaking, he seems to not care about the kid at all. Despite his insistence that his stepson is seen no differently than his daughter, it stands out how dismissively he describes Nick in the first few paragraphs ("to my understanding (i.e. what my wife tells me)"; how does he not know how well his stepson is able to communicate? They live together!). Had it been their daughter who first spoke after 17
    via u/thistleandpeony
  • 12
    Font - DebbieDoesArt. 18h 2 Awards OP reminds me of my ex. A step-dad who 'loved' his step son until it meant actually doing the bare minimum things to help me with his 'step son'. Then it became the whole, "I'm not his dad" tirade. OP, you need to do better. The contempt in your words when you speak about your step son is absolutely abhorrent. As a mother of a 5 year old who is on the spectrum, I would cry with joy if my son was able to tell me he loved me for the first time. Your wife deserve
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  • 13
    Rectangle - OneDumbfuckLater . 17h 2 Awards We have a beautiful home and a healthy daughter and we're doing amazing. Also, my wife has a son So the stepson is an afterthought in your "amazing" life. He's also not considered healthy. To my understanding (i.e., what my wife tells me) You live together. Why does she need to tell you this?
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  • 14
    Font - Well, it turns out that, a week ago, Nick said his first fully formed "words." You live together. Why does your wife need to tell you this? Why are you implying he didn't speak real words? He mumbled something along the lines of 'l-love-you' Why are you implying he didn't speak real words? After that, I decided not to go out to 'celebrate' Nick's mumbled words Why are you implying he didn't speak real words?
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  • 15
    Font - I pointed out who paid half of Nick's expenses, and she pointed out that she raised him by herself for more than a decade. "I pointed out that I consider my stepson a financial drain and I don't actually want to tolerate his presence any longer" Red flags, red flags EVERYWHERE 41.1k 1.1k
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  • 16
    Font - needstobesaved. 22h Partassipant [1] YTA. His first words were 'I love you' at the age of 17. Of course your wife was happy as a good mother and wanted to celebrate. But bohoo you didn't want to go out on a Friday night so acted grumpy at dinner. You don't seem very mature. Apologize to your wife. Reply 5.8k
    via u/needstobesaved
  • 17
    Font - anabelle1221 . 19h Partassipant [1] Not even just the immaturity factor. What about empathy and compassion as well? OP's wife never heard her son say he loved her before. My daughter took a long time to tell me she loved me as well (speech delay) and the first time she did, I sobbed out of pure joy. It's a special moment and OP ruined it with his little baby tantrum. Let people be happy and enjoy things. The world doesn't revolve around you, OP. YTA. G ... 4901 901
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  • 18
    Font - Sandi375. 22h Partassipant [2] This is something that was unexpected for Nick. Having a nice family dinner to celebrate isn't too much to ask. Also, bringing this up? I pointed out who paid half of Nick's expenses That has nothing at all to do with Nick's accomplishment. to thinking YTA. It's what pushed me even more ... Reply 3.5k
    via u/Sandi375
  • 19
    Font - MorrowStreeter • 22h Partassipant [1] YTA To be clear: I didn't say the celebration was stupid or unnecessary No, you just overtly showed that you think that. Your infant daughter saying her first words is not the same event as a 17 year old with disabilities speaking his first words. The two events are not the same thing. You know that. Reply 3k
    via u/MorrowStreeter
  • 20
    Font - mvanpeur 20h 2 Awards Yes! I have a special needs guy. We say that we celebrate "inch stones", little accomplishments that would be nbd for any other child, but took years for him to figure out. 41.1k ...
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  • 21
    Font - Major_Barnacle_2212 22h Professor Emeritass [97] 2 Awards I'll just reframe it for you - you're in a lovely marriage with a loving wife who wants to celebrate a special moment with you. Life is about celebrating the big moments and the small moments. Maybe it was small to you, but it was big to her. You belittled her with your attitude and words. Her teasing was not kind, but water seeks its own level. YTA. Celebrate joy in life. Edit: aww wow, thanks for the award kind Redditor! I will c
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  • 22
    Font - Edit: People read a <3000 character post and think they know your entire life. Jesus.I misspoke three times. 1. 'Non-speaking' is the correct term 2. When I said "what my wife tells me" I meant the definition of non-speaking and why Nick was diagnosed that way. Of course, I communicate with Nick on a daily basis, I've been in his life since he's 12, I love and support the kiddo. We've shared a home for 4 years and he's my stepson ffs 3. When I said 'mumbled his words' I didn't mean it in
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  • 23
    Font - Edit 2: Did Nick want to go out that night? Yes. Nick always gets excited to spend time with his aunt and grandma. He was happy and in a great mood that day. Why was I in a bad mood? I had a rough week, truly a hard week, and Friday nights are usually my time to get some rest. It was a bad day/week for me, and I said the wrong things. I don't hate my stepson. Nick is my son, Nick is our son, I was making a distinction to make the context clear. When I introduce my family I don't even ment
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  • 24
    Font - To be crystal clear: I'm proud of Nick and his achievements. I do believe it's worth celebrating; I just didn't feel in the mood to do so that day. If that makes me an AH I'm okay with it, but don't fuckin pretend you know me or my family or that know what I've done to support them. I love my family. Point blank period.
    via u/nonpbb

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family drama aita autism kids celebration disability wife askreddit disabled mean husband family reddit thread cruel Reddit rude Mean People
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